Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!

When you've got no money, nothing else seems to matter. Last month I hit the ceiling on my credit and found myself with a nasty infection near one of my back molars.

Now if I was a blind-raving optimist, I suppose it might have been considered a blessing not to be able to eat solid foods. But after a week of soups and smoothies, my only option was to go to the dentist. But without any dental-plan or cash I was forced to borrow money from a friend to cover half of the appointment cost, and wrote a post-dated check for the rest - to be cashed 2 days after pay-day.

The kindly dentist hummed and hawed over my Xrays, told me my back molar would need to be extracted, and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. The prescription is still in my wallet, unfilled for want of extra cash. When you're broke, you'd be surprised how resilient your body is to infection. I willed myself better, cause will power is much cheaper than drugs. I hoped I wouldn't come down with anything serious this month.

But yesterday was payday, and the money disappeared quicker than ever. I had last month's bills to pay, I have credit cards to feed, and let's not forget rent, and tuition! Before I knew it there I was against the wall again, and then I remembered that post-dated check, now magically rubberized!

One of my friends has been telling me for months to do my taxes. I hadn't done them in 3 years! "You must be due a refund" she said. So this morning I walked through the rain with 3 years worth of tax-receipts and travel mug full of hope that the tax man would pull me out of the hole I've dug for myself. The accountant informed me that I was due back a total of $300 from 2007! 2008 was a total wash, and for 2009? I owe a cart load of clams. Apparently the tax-man is no longer the hero I took him for. Who'd a thunk it?

When you're broke luxury items take on a whole new meaning. Medication, coffee, and peanut butter; items formerly necessary to my well-being become luxuries I can no longer afford. When I have a few extra dollars I have to consider carefully what I'll spend them on. Last week I bought peanut butter and a loaf of bread to treat myself when I was feeling a little less "down in the mouth".

Luckily, I've inherited my mother's tendency to buy too many non-perishable goods when the money's a-flowin, so I've been living on beans, canned salmon, soup, pancakes, oatmeal, home-made syrup, rice, pasta, and the variety of veggies in my freezer. Extra cash is spent on fresh vegetables and fruit. Next week I'll splurge on some cheese if I'm feeling indulgent.

My run-in with the dentist has also made me think about quitting smoking again. Smoking is a black hole of wasted cash. I've always known this, but when the going is good- why not smoke 'em if you got 'em? Well now the going is well...not. But all I can think about is a cigarette. That cheeky little .40 cent friend of mine! Does it strike anyone else as ironic that nicotine gum costs twice as much as a pack of smokes?

So I've been reaching out to my friends alot lately, and I must truly thank them. Not only were they there when I needed some extra cash to pay for dental Xrays, but they helped me with nicotine gum, cigarettes, coffee, spending cash, and some sensible though not very helpful financial advice. My friends have been so helpful in fact that I've decided to begin a sponsorship program through my facebook page. For a little more than a Starbucks latte a day (I ain't livin' in no 3rd world country - shit is expensive around here!) my friends and family are now able to help a poor starving artist in need. I'll send much better letters and drawings to MY sponsors than anything those World Vision kids would send. Stick ME on your fridge! Write ME off on your taxes! Cause god knows I can't.

G